we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
