i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
