I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
