dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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