final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
