just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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