Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
