dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
