I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
