I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
