i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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