I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
