I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
