i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
