I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
