would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
