she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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