so explain again why im purple
no
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
