Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
