I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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