I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
