im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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