Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
