he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
