I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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