I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i think my cat just said my name.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
