he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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