it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
