I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
