I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
