the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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