So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
