Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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