I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
