I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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