How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
