i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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