So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
