She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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