I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
As shirtless as possible
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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