if you like me you must not know who I am
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
