woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
