I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
