Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
