I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
