she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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