oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
