I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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