He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There r osticjed everywhere
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
