I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
