I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
